The Death of Hanging Out

Friends,

I found myself in a small deli in central London this weekend (sorry, sworn to gatekeep the location - a peaceful coffee sanctuary must be protected at all costs). For the first time since December, I was sitting across from my uni friends, that perfect mix of people with completely different backgrounds and careers all scattered around London.

And I realised something...

I don't like to hang out for the sake of it. I would much rather be in the comfort of my own space. But when you spend 3 months with minimal contact with society, building things on the internet, you forget that the world out there is where the problems are, humans are the ones with pain points, and you find you have to talk to people to understand what they really are.

I've been so deep in the AI rabbit hole lately that I'd almost forgotten what it's like to just exist in physical spaces with other humans.

This morning, I stumbled across an FT piece that put words to what I felt. Researchers compared footage of public spaces from 1980 to 2010 and found hanging out is literally dying. People linger 14% less and walk 15% faster than they did 40 years ago. We're using streets more as walkways than social spaces.

The extinction of aimless loitering

There's something profoundly sad about this. While I was explaining my latest AI projects to my friends (and surprisingly finding applications for their lives as a teacher, videographer, and PhD candidate), I couldn't help but notice how London itself looked - tired and worn down despite the sunshine.

The article blames rising urban incomes (time is money) and smartphones (why talk to random people when you have your curated online friends?). But there's more to it:

1. Public spaces are becoming transit zones, not destinations. We move through them, not in them.

2. Speaker phone chaos - people broadcasting their conversations to everyone within earshot, not realizing they're in public (the modern equivalent of second-hand smoke).

3. The homeless crisis making many spaces uncomfortable or unusable.

4. Our digital bubbles becoming more real to us than the physical humans nearby.

What we lose when we stop hanging out

My friends and I text regularly, but there's something irreplaceable about sitting across from someone, watching their expression change when you make them laugh or seeing the tiny hesitation before they answer a question.

The great urbanist William Whyte spent 16 years observing people in public spaces. His conclusion? People are drawn to places with:

• Water features

• Tree canopies

• Sculptures

• Sun and shade options

• Food vendors

• Moveable chairs (apparently "the human backside is a dimension architects seem to have forgotten")

They also need to be visible from the street (for safety) and ideally, have multiple attractions that bring different groups together.

The generalist's advantage in a disconnected world

As a self-described generalist "not deep in one area but wide across many," I've been questioning what my cornerstone skill is compared to my specialized friends. But maybe being able to bridge worlds is exactly what's needed now.

We're all becoming specialists in our own digital spaces, incredibly deep in our niches but disconnected from the commons. The ability to translate between worlds, to find applications of your knowledge in someone else's domain - that's rare and valuable.

Being able to explain AI tools to a teacher, videographer, and academic (and have them actually see the value) is a skill that grows more important as our specializations pull us further apart.

The small acts of resistance

So what's my point this week? I'm not saying we should all throw our phones into the Thames (though sometimes the thought is tempting).

But maybe we can be more intentional about creating truly social spaces - both online and offline. Maybe we can sit on a bench sometimes with no particular purpose. Look up and around occasionally.

The Spanish plaza model mentioned in the article gets it right - playgrounds next to cafés, public benches, car-free zones, and all generations mixing together.

I'm curious - where do you still genuinely hang out? And do you find yourself walking faster through public spaces than you did ten years ago?

Hit reply - I'd love to know.

Until next week, Viraj

P.S. If you want to gatekeep your own peaceful coffee sanctuary, I've got some thoughts on finding those hidden gems too, its called Topjaw.

What I got up to last week

I went full native and built some cool stuff